from warm to boiling point

The sign didn’t come. I’m thankful. In a way, I’m also sad because I was ready to fall in love. I should really be happy and relieved that I didn’t have to have the talk. He had it with me. Although I appreciate his honesty and not wanting me to be involved in his vice, I am also smarting from the fact that he had to tell me now. And that he couldn’t give it up just like that. I’ve never been addicted to any substance, so I don’t understand how difficult it would be to quit. The sweet days of holding hands while walking and the warm nights had me crying when I realized it was never going to be…

Right now, I am so angry at everything and anything love. Last night, I was at a cousin’s party and this guy started coming on to me. At first, I thought it was time to accept a new suitor since my psuedo boyfriend is apparently a goner and my other suitor is too busy with business to even take me out. Now this guy offers to give me a ride home and I accept. But then throughout the night he acts as if we were already a couple… or that I was also interested in him. The thought of it just made my blood boil! I hate it when guys are fresh!

I am still seething right now. He tried every trick in the book for me to invite him in and even stay the night! Grrrrrr…. I had to say to his face that I was really sleepy and wanted to retire soon. He kept touching my hand, trying to hug me… like I gave any hint that I wanted him! The nerve. Even after I told him he was going too fast, and that wasn’t comfortable with it, he just tried to play cute. Which was anything, but. I wasn’t not born yesterday, okay. I even held the door open, and he just closed it! I don’t even know how I was able to contain myself. The anger reached 100 °C and just made me angry at my pseudo boyfriend. At all men, in fact. Come to think of it, at love.

Sincerely yours,

Still Seething


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