Archive for February, 2012

February 27, 2012

love inspires. this cannot be good.

So it’s been more than a month now. How come I still don’t feel the butterflies? Part of me still thinks this is all a mistake. I knew I should’ve backed out the day after. I know it’s going down, but here I am still. Why haven’t I walked out the door?

I am just going to say it. It’s just not happening. We both made a mistake. Thank you for finding me, after all these years. Thank you for thinking we had a chance. Thank you for even trying. But so many years have passed and I’m not the girl you met back in high school. And even if I want to get to know you, I don’t think this is going to work. We’re both just too different, and there’s nothing to hold us together other than memories from our hometown. Beyond that, there’s just nothing. I wish we could’ve been together back then. But that’s our loss now.

Now if I could only have the nerve to really say these words. Maybe I could, maybe I really should, when we’re together. Four days from now. That’s not long enough.

I don’t really want to ruin my chance at love. I’ve prayed long enough for it to come. Now, it’s found me. But is this love? Why am I not inspired? Why am I not productive? Why have I neglected everything I shouldn’t?

There’s the sign–my secret sign–so I think I should wait and see. I’ve been here before, I don’t want to jump to conclusions again. Okay, here’s the plan and this is final. I am going to wait for the sign to materialize. If it happens, then I stay. I will work at it and hold on to it, as I promised God I would. But if the sign never comes, then I will have to recite paragraph 2. On our last day together, at least.

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