indifference stings

So I got a PM from the one who got us (me & 4 months) together. I told him in passing that his friend and I were over. His response was like, “Yeah, he already told me. I was just shocked.”

Amazingly, or not amazingly at all, I felt kind of whacked. Apparently it had been that nothing to him, too. I was over him in four days, right… So why was I reeling? Somewhat.

And then it dawned on me. Even when you’re over the person, the thought of his indifference to the fact that you’re gone can still get to you.

And here I was thinking that he was in love with me. Ok, back up there a bit. …he-WAS-in-love-with-me…. There you go! The word I’m looking for is in the past tense. Wow, did he get over me that quickly, too?!

I don’t mean to sound like an airhead, which I do admit to being sometimes, but it’s just that he had brought me to his hometown only a few weeks ago. I was there, he was there. It certainly wasn’t two different people. It was us. On their porch.

And as I sat there on that breezy night, silently contemplating my next career move, he started talking about how one comes to a point in life when one wanted to settle down. That he certainly wanted to settle down.

Then he asked me about my plans. I told him that I was planning to go back to MNL.

“What for?” he asked.

I told him that there were more opportunities there for me.

He came over to me and asked me, “What about us?”

I said the thing I always said whenever he brought up the future: “We’ll see how this goes. If it’s us, then it’s us. I don’t believe in long distance relationships. For now, let’s just enjoy each other while we’re still together.”

Not very reassuring I suppose. By then he was in front of me. He looked at me in the eye and asked, “So, when are we getting married?”

It wasn’t a proposal. Just a theoretical question, I believed. After all, we had touched on the topic once and I had jokingly told him that if he did propose, I wanted him to make it very special and romantic. He said, “Like what, get down on my knee?” I said, “Yeah, something like that.”

He wasn’t down on his knee that time. He was in my face. And I shied away from his gaze. I looked down as I answered, “When we’re both ready.”

“Aren’t you ready yet?”

“No…” I added, “Not financially.”

If it hadn’t been too sudden, then I would at least have believed that the moment had been more than hypothetical. “Well, neither am I,” was his too abrupt answer. I thought, Wha?

And here we were ready to admit that girls are so fickle. Who knew that guys can change their minds in a snap? I certainly wasn’t prepared for it. But I had a lot of things on my mind then.

In retrospect, I realized that things had gone downhill from there. He didn’t make love to me for the rest of our stay. Until we broke up actually. I would have wanted a long goodbye kiss, and okay let’s be honest, I wanted some goodbye love. But NADA. Come to think of it, it was over before we even got back to the city. It was over by the time we turned in for the night.

Only that afternoon we had visited his aunt, who lived near their beach property. While they were making small talk, his aunt had looked at me and asked him, “Is this your girlfriend?” We looked at each other and I said in jest, “We’re just friends who met today.” He smiled and said, “This… (a pause) is the girl I’m going to marry.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye so I just smiled back at smiling auntie. “And we just met today.” Apparently, I thought that line was really funny.

We made love for the last time that afternoon. I had gone swimming and was changing in the only room that was still standing in their property after a typhoon hit the remote fishing village. He came in as I was finishing up. Just when I thought that my blue striped bikini had not made any impact on him (he hardly made any move when we were at the beach), he started kissing me…

And that was the last.

For some crazy reason, I still wish that we had some kind of parting moment. But he acts like he no longer cares. And that’s gotta ouch.


2 Comments to “indifference stings”

  1. yes it does sting. a lot. like when you discover that they are actually moving on and have begun detaching that piece of their world where you had lived..

  2. Apparently, this wasn’t the end of it, Worrywart. The relationship had to regress first before it vanished completely 🙂 I don’t even know if they really vanish completely. But… here’s to moving on!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: